I want to be ALL of the Things
A successful entrepreneur, a personal trainer who is able to provide individual fitness to all who come my way. I want to be able to have platforms for everyone: Online Self-Paced Course, Virtual Training Session, and In person Options that are affordable and effective.
I want to be able to expand those options to include the perinatal realm. As I write this, I am in the middle of getting my Perinatal Fitness Certification! I am very excited about it, not only to be able to help other women going through the process of child bearing and then rearing, but it is also going to benefit me on a personal level: I am 19 weeks pregnant.
I am almost halfway there to welcome our first child into this World, and I want to be ALL of the Things for them! (We are only having one, but we don’t know the gender) I am a personal trainer, an eternal optimist, but I am starting to get the sinking feeling that I WON’T be able to be all of the things, not all at once, and that is hard! I want to be able to keep my business successful and afloat, however, I plan on taking 12 weeks for maternity leave. If this course has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that our bodies while pregnant and postpartum go through A LOT. So many physiological changes, not to mention psychological changes, hormonal changes, and oh, this BIG change of you having to take care of another human. I am fortunate in that I have a partner who will be there to support baby and me, others are not so fortunate. Being an entrepreneur and making the choice to not pay into disability insurance means no paid maternity leave though. So we will be going from 2 paychecks to 1, and for three months. It’s a lot to take in and prepare for.
My friends, family, and husband all say that it will all be okay. I KNOW that everything will work out in the end, but what is that going to look like? What will my business become while I am gone? Will I have clients left to come back to after three months? Will I feel extra pressure to get back to work early even if my body and mind aren’t ready for it? Personal training is a demanding job, I don’t work out with my clients, but I am demonstrating for them, I am spotting them, I have to be “mentally there” with them so they don’t injure themselves, and I am on my feet most of the day. I love what I do, I just want to make sure I do it well and KEEP doing it well. Not only that, but I want to be there for my child too! I want to make sure I don’t miss their first steps or working only to pay someone else to take care of them… Right now it feels like a tight rope without knowing what the rope is attached to on the other side.
With all of these thoughts swirling in my mind, it makes me pause and ask: Where did I get this idea from? When and where did I think I could do it all?
Michelle Obama wrote about this in her book Becoming. I am paraphrasing here, but she basically says that she was burning herself out because she was trying to be the best lawyer, best mom, best wife, etc. and the fact of the mater is, you can’t be all of the things all of the time to everyone.
Dang, if Michelle Obama couldn’t figure it out, I guess I am fixated on a myth… a myth that I can and should be able to do it all. So why does it feel like such defeat? If I were Superwoman I would cradle Baby E in my Lasso of Truth while training my clients. Unfortunately, my golden lasso is nowhere in sight. I will just have to take one day and step at a time. For a woman who loves a plan, this is a hard thing to accept.
For the readers out there that have made it this far and can relate, know that you aren’t alone. We are staring off into the tight rope abyss. Taking one unsure and unsteady step at a time figuring out our future and life as a mom and an entrepreneur. Over the next few months I am going to use this space to get things off my chest and to provide more inspiration along the way. Once I am fully certified, you will also be able to find perinatal dos and don’ts when it comes to fitness and nutrition. Until then, my friends, keep that chin and chest up so you don’t lose balance on the tightrope.
Xoxo
Sara